So you may have seen my little announcement on Twitter recently?
In the spirit of love I have some happy news ❤️
I’d been heartbroken since 18 from being told I can never have children.
However my partner and I recently found out that I AM pregnant and after years of trying our wish has come true ✨
Miracles happen when you least expect it. pic.twitter.com/rKS1PXkJqQ
— Lozza (@girlygabble) February 14, 2019
Well I wrote this post a week or so ago and from the overwhelming support I’ve been shown on Twitter I’m now more excited than ever to share this post about my little miracle pregnancy with you.
So the story of the miracle pregnancy begins…
After complaints for heavy bleeding and what I can only describe as the feeling of two hernia-like golf balls in place of my ovaries. Which also feel like they’re shooting out of my skin every time I roll over too quickly, I was given a hospital appointment. It was found that I have PCOS and during the scan even the lady conducting it looked shocked at how many cysts were covering my ovaries. They kinda looked like pizzas that were stacked with millions of bits of pepperoni.
Well that’s put me off of Dominos for a while…
I can’t remember if it was the left or the right one but one of my ovaries in particular was extremely enlarged, although personally I can’t tell which one it is. My ovaries never seem to cause me pain at the same time and whilst they both give me the same amount of pain they seem to take it in turns to almost bring me to tears when they feel like reminding me they’re there.
I was diagnosed three years after coming away from all forms of contraception and although my partner (Rob) and I hadn’t been sticking to a strict schedule exactly, we had hoped to have conceived by this point. I have heard many stories about women who have had a miracle pregnancy with PCOS, so even though I knew this diagnosis didn’t make my chances impossible, later on I found out there were other obstacles.
Unfortunately in 2017 I had been feeling unwell and complaining from stomach pains and feeling faint, I woke up one morning to find that I had bled heavily down below. Of course I was worried but didn’t think too much of it as I have always had irregular, heavy periods and thought maybe I had just come on unexpectedly without the warning signals I usually get when I’m due on. I went to hospital either way (I tend to worry a fair bit) and after some tests I was told that I was in fact pregnant but had unfortunately miscarried.
The path to depression
Hearing this I didn’t know how to react or what to do for a while as I had not known I was pregnant and I blamed myself for the loss, wondering if there was anything I could have done differently had I have known. I was reassured that there wasn’t and it’s just an unfortunate part of life. I became depressed for several months as I felt like I had lost a part of me and I had wanted a child for several years. Again, I have known many woman who have had a miracle pregnancy after miscarriage on more than one occasion. Some women have even had around 8 miscarriages before having a successful pregnancy.
So from this I believed time could heal so eventually we started to try to fall pregnant again.
Further health issues
After trying for a further year and a half with no luck I decided to see my GP who referred me to the hospital for tests. The results showed I had low progesterone levels which according to healthline can cause miscarriage or fetal death. Having low progesterone levels can also make it harder for your body to be able to carry the baby. On top of this from the ages of 12-17 I suffered with anorexia. Having suffered with this for so long I was terrified it had caused me lasting problems that will never go away and will effect my chances of being able to have a baby.
After even more tests I was told that I may have to accept that I can’t ever have children and I could have a shot at IVF but it would have to be within the next three years or in softer words I had a 0% chance. I was told this at 23.
Losing all hope
I started to feel pretty hopeless to be honest and my depression got worse. Friends tried to comfort me by saying I could adopt if it came to it, but with my partner and I both being diagnosed with a mental illness, we knew we didn’t stand a chance. Rob already has 2 lovely children and on paper we knew we would have been at the bottom of the pile when trying to adopt.
We’d spent a total of 4 and a half years trying to conceive and (although I’m an atheist) I was literally praying for a miracle. I couldn’t see it ever happening but the longer time went on, the more I wanted a baby and the worse my heartbreak was.
I became really ill over the Christmas period just gone. I couldn’t eat a thing and every time I tried I was immediately sick. I was tired all the time and had no energy to even get out of bed let alone take care of myself. I thought I had some sort of bug or virus and just wanted someone to put an end to it for me.
After weeks it never went away so one Thursday evening whilst I was home I called my mum to ask her to take me to the doctors the following morning as Rob was working. She had told me she was also working but agreed to pick me up and drop me at her house as the doctors is at the end of her road so I could walk down there during the walk-in period. My sister (who’s 15) was off school as it was the half term and before my mum left for work she bought down a pregnancy test and said “I know it’s highly unlikely but you never know” and left it in the kitchen.
The biggest shock of my life
I done the test with no hopes whatsoever and I literally couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw two pink lines appear. I called my sister in to confirm I wasn’t imagining things and we both burst out crying with happiness. I went and saw the doctor who congratulated me and told me my next steps and before going home I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up a further few tests as I started to enter disbelief mode. Sure as hell the next two tests were also positive and the ClearBlue one informed me I was 3+weeks.
So much for having a virus!
I was offered an early pregnancy scan at Princess Royal University Hospital who confirmed I was 7 weeks and 4 days pregnant and checked the size and heartbeat of the baby which were both absolutely perfect. We got to listen to baby’s heartbeat which was the most incredible thing I have ever experienced.
I have since had my 12 week scan and we saw our little pickle wriggling away looking quite happy. And I now want to shout our news from the rooftop!
To ALL women/couples reading this post
If you have been trying for a baby and going through a similar situation to what I was before falling pregnant, please let this post be a reminder that it CAN happen for you too. Some people try for years and years and it can happen after 10 or more when they had stopped even hoping for it to happen.
I used to read endless articles about women who had also struggled for years but then managed to conceive and think ‘good for them but that will probably never be me’.
I believe everything happens for a reason and sometimes things just need an extra bit of time. Don’t ever give up hope and when you least expect it I hope your wish comes true too!
At the time of sharing this post I am 14 weeks pregnant and can’t wait to share the rest of my pregnancy journey with you.
In my next post I’ll tell you all about my first Trimester! P.S it’s not been easy!
Next read: How to improve your mental health this year.